THE WORST
I did a good job in 2020 to not listen to music I knew was going to be bad. Yet, it seems that it's truly impossibly to always avoid music that sucks major ass. Here's 5 bad songs and 5 bad albums I couldn't tell anyone to check out with any seriousness.
BOTTOM 5 SONGS
5
Little Big - "Tacos"
The irreverent music Little Big is known for has made me smile plenty, but “Tacos” misses the mark in a big way. The ear-wrenching repetitiveness is on display from the beginning, with even less meat on the bone than the average Little Big song. Enjoy the same annoying vocals over and over while shrill horns cause your ears to bleed (not to mention the random screaming goat). Stick to Little Big’s other songs for your own safety.
4
Eminem - "Stepdad"
Bluntness is what Eminem does best. He’ll beat you over your head with his point, and that’s no more apparent on the headache-inducing “Stepdad”. Em’s history with his family is well documented, but from the beginning his anger comes across as whiny and juvenile. Hearing him rap about his stepdad fucking his mom or him killing his stepdad is lame enough, but his delivery is bad by Em standards, and the beat is a nothing-burger. It’s songs like this that prevent MTBMB from being close to passable.
3
Green Day - "I Was A Teenage Teenager"
Of all the lazy, outdated and horrible tracks on Father Of All…, this one is my least favorite. Every lazy cliche of pop rock music appears. A fist-in-the-air chorus? Check. Plain melody that fits in the Hot Topic playlist? Check. Nondescript lyrics that Billie Joe Armstrong should’ve sang 30 years ago? Check. Who the hell is this for? A song for teenagers written by a guy who’s almost 50? It’s incredible to hear the band that hit creative peaks like “Jesus of Suburbia” sink to gutless lows like this. Blegh.
2
Shaquille O'Neal - "Tear It Up"
Look, I love Shaq as much as the rest of us. I love how he does what he wants and has fun doing it. But there’s no denying that “Tear It Up” is an atrocious dubstep song even by dubstep standards. It’s perfectly terribly EDM festival music, made for high kids to lose their tiny little minds to. In that respect, I’m sure it works. But on every other level, it belongs in the garbage
1
G-Eazy - "Lazarus"
What the hell came over G-Eazy to want to cover “Lazarus”? It’s extremely specific to David Bowie, a song that defined his final days ruminating on his impending death. There’s never a good time to dance on the dead’s grave, especially on a song like this, but G-Eazy goes a step further. The faux emotion portrayed here is sickening. G-Eazy’s sloppy vocals are puke-inducing. The optics are very very bad. I can’t imagine a worse idea than this, yet it ends up as a fitting cherry on top of the shit sundae that is 2020.
BOTTOM 5 ALBUMS
5
Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By
Music To Be Murdered By is Eminem’s best album in years, and it still stinks. Far too long and filled to the brim with stinkers, Eminem’s penchant for whining on and on is on full display. Though tracks like “Godzilla” hearken back to Em’s glory days, the record as a whole isn’t worth your time.
4
AC/DC - Power Up
The most impressive thing about Power Up is hearing Brian Johnson hit those crazy high notes the band is famous for. That’s where the positives stop. In trying to recapture their old glory, AC/DC has done nothing but make a bland, derivative and forgettable record. Power down.
3
Dominic Fike - What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
To answer the album's question: a lot, apparently. Every bland aspect of millennial pop and rap is present here. Dominic's music is a perfect example of playlist fodder that makes an album that's no more interesting than the generated playlist it came from.
2
BLACKPINK - The Album
It’s always sad to see studios force spineless cash grab albums out into the world, especially from acts that show promise. The Album is exactly that, quickly thrown together and quickly forgotten. Dated pop trends from years ago are mined in the most derivative way possible, leading to repetitive slogs that seem much longer than their runtime. The guests snooze through their features and provide no distraction from the underwhelming performance from the k-pop quartet. It would be nice to see the girls have more creative control over their future projects, but for now keep BLACKPINK out of your area (and ears).
1
Green Day - Father Of All...
The billboard for Father Of All… is infamous for its claims. But let’s rewrite it to be a little more accurate, shall we?
NO DIRECTION
NO SONGWRITING EFFORT
NO ORIGINAL IDEAS
100% PURE UNCUT TRASH
​
It’s awful front to back. Green Day hasn’t made good music since W’s first term. Everything is normal. Motherfuck this album.
